To catch everyone up

So tonight Im going to try to catch everyone up. I am single, the mother of a high school graduate and getting closer to 60 everyday. Life has changed in so many ways since I began writing this blog 11 years ago. Namely, I lost and gained quite a bit. I lost my beloved dog, husband. marriage, and gained a new found respect for single parents and yes rescue dogs. My house is gone... I now live in an apartment and I have fewer family members to call out to, but the ones still around are the real deal.



Now how did I end up here.....? Let me begin. IN April of 2011, My sweet husband of 20 years started acting very peculiar. I sensed that he was not engaged in our marriage anymore by the look of disdain and blank stares he was handing me. I confronted him later in the evening, got no response and went to sleep. I decided to look at his email upon abruptly waking at 3 AM. We all had the same email password so I opened his email to find some very sexually loaded emails from a nurse at work named Emily. Dealing with a similar issue? Reach out to https://www.regain.us for help. I walked upstairs into our bedroom and asked him who Emily was. Sadly, I knew this was the end of my marriage. Truly, I was a good wife, mother to our son, Scott and friend in the 22 years I was Mark's wife. He walked around in a fog for a day or so. I was so off center that I couldn't concentrate for about 8 months. It took me a long time to get past the hurt, but I did. Here is another link to help you heal if you are going through something like this. https://www.betterhelp.com/about/

Eleven years, have I lost my sense of humor?

class .... Class .... CLASSS SHUTT UUUP! Ok, maybe you are not my age, older or much younger. I remember years ago listening to Sister Mary Elephant, by Cheech and Chong. I recently shared this funny moment with my son. We laughed until we cried. Life is different for us both now. I hope I haven't lost the ability to laugh, but since I last posted, our family changed. My husband died, we had to move out of our house, and I gained full custody of my son. I spend a good amount of time trying to move forward, but it's a work in progress. So what does a family do when life changes like this? We depend on others, trying almost swim upstream So much has changed. I hope that I can make things some what normal in the near future. Wish me luck.

Take me to the water...

Yesterday we got totally saturated at church when the priest threw holy water at us. It was to symbolize renewal and regeneration because it is still considered Easter Sunday according to the church. During the sermon Father spoke of how we could be forgiven for our sins just by asking. Somehow I do think this is in order with me.

In college a good friend gave me a HUGE eraser so I could get rid of the bigger mistakes I would make. Part of it was tongue and cheek, then again a part of me took it seriously. I think when you are a parent (and some when they are simply adults) make a good effort to not make mistakes aver and over again, if at all. When you are a role model you have little eyes watching your every move.

Kids think that as long as their parents do things they can as well. Sometimes they are disgraced by us too and vow to never be like a Mother or Father. I myself see that there are many things I could improve on, and wish that my son would only pick up my good habits, not the bad ones.

As my father has said many times - think of your worst habit, your child will pick that up. Thought for the the day, be the change you want to see, just don't pick your nose while doing it.

Finale

Finality... in any event, relationship, or endeavor is the end, or is it? This year I experienced saying goodbye to some very special people. One I barely knew that was very young and another who was like a Father to me and very elderly.

The loss of the younger (barely a 21 year old) left me unhinged for weeks. Often to the point of trying to find the reasons why it happened. I unconsciously launched an investigation in my own mind to figure out why this senseless situation could have occured. The only thing I can do for this relative (was to be possibly be wed to my niece) is to do something in his honor.

The second death (in order only) left me with many gentle emotions such as happiness for having known my Father in law. Truly a man worth emmulating. My own father is getting up in years and I keep in close contact with him to remind him daily that he is cared for - has many wonderful qualities as well.

There is a possibility that all the cliche and trite things people say after a person dies are somewhat true. In remembering the people who have progressed to heaven, hell, the afterlife or for some just plain nothing we carry on their likes and dislikes. I am finding it in the meal we made the other night (ended up being a past favorite of Dad M) or the possibility of a web site to commemorate someone's interest.

We all carry on ...

Today's news

Good Day All-

I have a picture of President Clinton holding my (at that time) 10 month old son, allowing him to squeeze his nose. Our family was vacationing in Colorado in July-August of 2000, right before I went into radiation treatment for Hodgkin's Disease. It made my next journey very hopeful that a past president would allow us to approach him in a restaurant and hold up a child that

was for all intensive purposes still like a sack of potatoes.

I was very upset with my husband who only took one picture, When President Clinton

posed for us with our son. It was a very magical moment and I from what I gather from good friends he does this very often

Today's headline news reports on an article written by: Todd Purdum from Vanity Fair.

It sites that President Clinton's personality has changed after his 2004 heart surgery

and that his behavior has troubled aides and blemished Senator Clinton's race.

Just recently, Mr Purdum has mentioned there is no evidence of president doing anything wrong. Thank you Robin Meade for your most recent and fair reporting!

I think its horrific what politicians have to go through. The microscope they have to live under is terrible and oppressive. What are the real issues in this race? Why are people bothering to listen to this junk that is cluttering the democratic race.

My thoughts are, why can't we all just seek out the real information and make our decisions based on this.

Have a thoughtful day!

Freaky Friday

Ever have a day you are at loose ends?

I checked my calendar today to do some planning for summer and found all the activities had previously planned had disappeared. So in between cleaning the bathrooms, walking the dog, doing 2 loads of laundry, and going to work, (part-time) I re planned the entire summer.

Summer is very busy for us, mainly because of all the enrichment I plan for my child,my husband's traveling and then there is free-lance work and classes. I teach art because it helps kids. It helps handwriting, self esteem, and frustration (self-expression). I also enjoy kids because they are uncensored. They tell you like it is!

My next door neighbor's son is one of my favorite kids. I call him Mr. Twigs because his legs are so skinny, they look like twigs. I have had some really precious kids in my classes, may favorite is my son. he is just like my husband, funny, cute, energetic and stubborn. At times I worry about him, but I know in time he will be fine after he grows up, (crossing fingers). We work on him to make sure he is well mannered, friendly, and caring. I love learning so he should be fine, however I know just about anything can happen to a person and I wish so much for him to be
a positive addition to society and good to himself.

We as parents have a responsibility to make sure our kids know how to handle stress, bad things in life, disappointments and just plain being shit on.

Life is like that. You go through a lot and you come out a different person. I think after you heal for the better. I speak from pure experience.

happy tidings!

Wonderful Wednesday

Why would you want to stay home, only working part-time, often trekking up to the elementary or middle school your child attends, to deliver or pick up?

I ask myself that question often. In fact I have tried to go back to work many times only to fall completely on my face by crashing and burning, (doing too much to try to compete and completely blowing up).

When you total up all the fees you pay for: childcare, after-hours baby sitting, pet care, house cleaning, and gas - HELLO....you end up with one third of what you take home after taxes. Then pile on a fee for a therapist, because if you work with people like I have, you'll need one!

I have met some great and not so great people at work. A few departments I worked in were all men and had a very cutting sense of humor. I would often walk into my studio area and see a blow-up dinosaur bearing teeth. I am not sure if it was a parody on myself or not. I did laugh, however thinking am I that vicious?

Then there was the time I gave the guys chocolate bars named "Cow Pie" for a holiday gift. I soon was GIVEN that name for about a year and laughed along with them until it got out of hand. http://www.explorewisconsin.com/BarabooCandy

One job I had just a couple of years ago where I was also working with single adults without kids was also a questionable experience. Out of 5 people that worked there, two did most of the work, another 2 whom were single women, got shafted on most of the work. One of them who is still there was/is given hardly any work and has to BEG for work. There was a report on NPR of situations similar to this where employees are NOT being given work and the burnout and erosion on a person's self esteem. http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc..

Enough ranting and raving today. On to work I commited to do for the PTA, (I am such a geek)!